Uncomfortable Topics for You & Your S/O

  1. Jealousy
    • Building trust is SO important. You and your partner should talk about what makes you jealous and set up some ground rules. Both must be open minded and willing to compromise. Also, construct a reasonable justification for why something makes your jealous or why you don’t see an act worth being jealous over. I recommend watching those BuzzFeed videos where other couples do that, so you can see from an outsider’s point of view and maybe you’ll learn something from it.
  2. Types of cheating
    • There are many types of cheating, depending on your definition. There are officially two types: Emotional and Physical. Emotional cheating is when you’re disconnected from your relationship and seek out those emotions from someone else. You don’t physically cheat, but possible symptoms are flirting, only telling the other person your problems, or constantly thinking about the other person. Physical cheating is self explanatory.
  3. Intentions/Expectations/Future
    • This can get a bit deep and for most couples, this should come later on in the relationship. But this is just to get an idea of where the relationship is leading to. For me, I want marriage. I expect the guy that I’m dating to want to eventually take our relationship to the next levels and hopefully it’ll lead to matrimony, so I’m very open about it beforehand. Don’t pressure and obviously take it as slow as you want. But having everything out in the open and clarified will help the both of you know what you want from each other.
  4. Needs & wants
    • Everyone has needs and wants that should be satisfied by the other person. It can be emotional, physical, spiritual, etc. Being open about this will help your partner understand you more and vice versa. I suggest that you two should take the language of love test to see what types of behavior resonates love the best for you.
  5. Beliefs & Values
    • Do I need to explain this?
  6. Skeletons in your closet
    • Of course, take your time with this one. But it’s smart to be as open as possible with your partner. It’s also considerate to be honest about yourself and your past, because I mean how rude would it be to have them find out something about you from someone else? If you think about it, your significant other should know more about you than most people outside of the relationship. Plus, if you put yourself in their shoes, if your significant other have the same secrets, wouldn’t you want to know about them? PSA: don’t pressure the other person to spill the beans.

8 Tips You SHOULDN’T Listen To!

Whether did or didn’t ask for it, not all advice is sound. I’m super blessed to have so many people in my life who are super wise and give great advice. Then, there are the few who had their heart in he right place, but I won’t be asking or listening to what they have to say ever again.

  1. Buy expensive, thick winter boots for NYC

This lady at one of my first internships was telling me what she has learned during her first year in NYC. I’m not going to lie, winters here are kind of brutal and wishy-washy… that is if you’re used to 80 degree weather all the time. Some days it snows heavy, then it doesn’t, then it get super warm, and we go back to cold. Winds are mad chilly here. It will burn your face! There are ice on the ground and lots of puddles. But do not do what I did, which is buy Sorel -20 degree snow boots. I’ve never used them and now I have to sell them for super cheap. If you want a winter boot, I highly suggest Timberland boots. But any waterproof shoe will do. I got these Jeffrey Campbell chelsea matte waterproof boots and I’ve worn them in the harshest winter winds and in the snow, so they worked fantastically. You can also just get regular boots. What really makes a difference is the types of socks and stockings you wear.

2. Jump into a Juice Cleanse

I’m a meat eater, like fruits, don’t really like veggies that much, and I’m only satisfied if I eat a full meal. So if you’re like me, then jumping into a juice cleanse is going to be super hard. It’s great to detox the body and try healthier foods, but you need to exercise great self discipline to do a juice cleanse. I’ve heard many failed attempts at this detox because it was too hard for them to just jump into it. The people that actually went through with it either have amazing discipline or they practiced for it. To me, what I’ve learned from health classes and people who have done juice cleanses, you should prepare your body for that absence of a meal. Try eating smaller portions (that pack a huge punch of nutrients) and drinking more fluids. Then, try taking the smaller juice cleanse challenge to see how well you do. OR you can just start eating better and exercising more.

3. BREAK UP! (every time your bf/gf messes up)

Okay this comes with obvious exceptions, but I’m talking about the tiny things. Like, accidentally forgetting your birthday/anniversary, he said something slightly offensive, or has a bad habit. I used to tell my friends to break up with their significant others whenever a problem comes up. But after thinking about it and maturing, I see that most problems are solvable and I shouldn’t be pressuring people to break up. It’s not my relationship and no one wants to listen to that “advice” anyway. To me, I know that no one is perfect and the only way things can get better is if you work at it. If your significant other is willing to work at making themselves better, I don’t see why you should just end it. Granted, you need to practice grace. Rome wasn’t built in a day, honey. So, let’s set some reachable goals and build off on that. If he/she forgot your birthday/anniversary, have him put it in his calendar and put reminders. If he/she said something mean to you in the heat of the moment, have them try to separate themselves from the argument before he/she blurts out something. If they have a problem communicating, have them practice communicating one thing, then build on that. It also helps if you give supportive encouragement or maybe work on a bad habit along side with them.

4. Anything about leaving all the work to God.

Okay, we about to get a little religious here. I have some friends who say things like this and heavily rely on Jesus to give them a sign. I mean, yes, God is graceful enough to give us random signs and blessings. However, I think that you also need to do some work. Pray about it, but don’t sloth around it. It’s like praying for a slimmer body, but you’re still eating bad and not exercising. Know what I’m saying?

5. Bulk up on winter clothes

Don’t. Unless you live in a place that is constantly snowing or just constantly cold. But, don’t. I wish I didn’t listen to my relative’s advice on this, because I would have saved my parents a bunch of money and produce less clothing waste. You only need like two (at the most) good winter/fall jackets. You don’t need 20 sweaters, turtle necks, long sleeve shirts, scarves, pants, thick tights, or thick socks. Luckily, you won’t sweat much in the winter, so you can re-wear some of these things (except the socks). You don’t need to wash pants until you have worn them multiple times and you can wear sweaters a couple of times.

6. Don’t spend much on winter coats

No. You can get great jackets for great deals, but don’t be frugal about a good jacket. As weird as it sounds (sarcasm) you actually want a high quality jacket. Something that will keep you warm, keep for years to come, and won’t break so easily. If you’re on a budget, please save up for a good jacket and pay attention to labels if you’re going to thrift it. Mine is a puffer jacket from Land’s End and was about $100-$130 and I’ve had it for about five years.

7. Don’t go out after 10:00 pm

Stop. Okay, yes, there’s a safety issue here, so it is solid advice. But, if you’re aware of your surroundings, know where you’re going, tell people where you are, avoid sketchy areas, and if you can, go with a friend. In NYC, sometimes things don’t start until 10:00 pm or go on for the whole night. Don’t be super cautious, but be smart about it.

8. Burn your bridges/Get revenge

No. The best way to practice getting burned is to be as graceful as possible and to let it go. It’s much easier said than done, but that’s the way to go. If you think about it, is it more important to get the last “aha” or to be viewed as a mature person that moves on with their life? I suggest that you surround yourself with and seek encouragement from people who believe this philosophy and do a lot of meditation.